Comfort Objects

No, this isn't even slightly about writing, not really.

I've got a hell of a week coming up, a paper and two midterms, tuesday, wednesday, thursday. None of which I've started yet, and it's now 10:42. I promised myself I'd get a bunch of things done this weekend. Instead, I think I slept for about 90% of it. It seems these days I can just lie down in bed and I'm right off to sleep. No idea why, and it's getting rather irritating. I'm used to being able to get by on very little sleep.

I've also got a data entry job for $8/hr with my psychology department, 6 hours a week. Boring, but it's better than working in that pizza place like I did last summer.

Then there's all the pressures that are going to hit me in the near future. Getting a room for next year. Declaring a major. Passing all my classes. Finding a summer job. Figuring out what the fuck I want to do with my life, because I don't think that I'll be able to live off my writing straight out of college barring a miracle (and for the record, I don't believe in miracles).

I'm not very good with stress, and I never have been. I'm a perfectionist to the core, and I take on more work than I can handle. It doesn't help that I'm also a procrastinator, because that just makes me put ALL my shit off till the very last second, and then I work myself into a nervous fit. And at that point, the slightest thing anyone says/does can send me into tears. I thrive under pressure, but best not come near me when a deadline is approaching. And I have the hugest fear of rejection in the world. When I applied to colleges, all but one of them that I applied to, I was 99% sure that with my grades, I'd get in. And, surprise surprise, I got into them. I don't date much, because I'm a loner and because I'm afraid that I'll get dumped. I learned about this last semester, it's called avoidant personality disorder. While I don't think I could actually be diagnosed with it (along with at least two other personality disorders I'm not quite clinical in...but no one's perfect, right?), I know that it does put rather a damper on my life.

Anyway, when things get stressful and pressured and I'm just in an all-around shitty/sad/miserable mood, I have one movie that I'll watch over and over again. It's called Love Actually, and it's not like other movies that I tend to watch. But I don't know, for some reason, it restores my faith in humanity (and Hugh Grant is really cute).

I don't eat lots when I'm stressed, I don't go out and do stupid things (fear of rejection, remember), I just sit here and feel vaguely sorry for myself, until I turn on the movie.

And, despite the fact that I have a 5-page paper due on Tuesday, that is exactly what I'm going to do right now.